


Saviour

by Sekkara



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe, Crying without knowing why, Depression, Destructive Eren, Eren does things he doesn't really want to do, Eren goes on a bender, Erwin is Erens brother, Eventual Smut, F/F, F/M, Fashion Designer Levi, Friends to Lovers, I messed with canon relationships, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Model Carla Yeager, OC Levi, Reiner is Zekes son, Self-Harm, Self-Medication, Slow Build, eren is unsure about everything, psychological depression, self-deprecation, tags may change or be added
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-02
Updated: 2018-07-07
Packaged: 2019-05-17 09:05:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 11,416
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14829362
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sekkara/pseuds/Sekkara
Summary: "Well, whoever you are, I best be going. Got... cleaning to do." He muttered, nodding to his arms. The boy stepped closer again and Eren found himself taking a step back, suddenly afraid.The boy seemed angry all of a sudden and Eren wasn't completely sure why. Obviously, it was his fault (he could work that much out), but he didn't really know what it was he had said to piss the boy off that much. Talk about looks killing."My name," the boy ground out. "Is Levi. And you're not going anywhere without me right now."Eren frowned. "Sorry to disappoint, Levi, but I don't play well with others. I'm one of those... 'best left alone' types. Recluse. Introvert. Whatever you wanna call 'em. So... see ya around, kid."





	1. I Never Meant To Be The One Who Kept You From The Dark

**Author's Note:**

> So... this is a plot that I haven't been able to get out of my head for months. So I've finally sat down and written the first chapter. It isn't going to be long and will be updated between my other works.
> 
> Either way I hope you enjoy :3

Eren's head was pounding as he gazed up at the boy above him, light from the guest house shining behind the boy and making him look ethereal. Or maybe that was the combined effect of everything he had taken that night. Either way, the boy above him was beautiful and there was no way he could have been human. So, he blurted out the first thing on his mind.

"Are you an angel?"

Only it was garbled, slurred, thanks in large to the copious amount of alcohol in his system. Bile rose and he heaved his aching body to the side, spilling his guts on the grass. The boy was frowning when he looked back.

"Am I dead?" He asked the boy, clearer this time. "Is this heaven?"

The boys frown deepened. "No?"

He scoffed. Of course it wasn't. Couldn't be. His head thrummed, his body ached, his arms burned. He forced his memory to work, tried to dredge up the events of the night. His nephews eighteenth birthday and his brothers fortieth birthday. A combined party for the both of them. He furrowed his eyebrows. 

"Hell, then." He surmised. Heaven would surely feel better than this and perhaps the boy were a demon in disguise, sent to lure him back to his eternal torment.

"No." The boy said, sounding surer than he had before. "This is your parents' house. Well, their garden. You're behind the guest house." The boy paused, his frown easing and concern etching his beautiful features. "Are you okay?" He asked. "What do you remember?"

Eren groaned and pushed himself into an upright position, instantly regretting it. His head pounded harder and he reached up to grip it, to make it stop. What _did_ he remember?

The day had started off reasonably well, that much he knew for sure. Granted, he'd managed to sink into a low - right before the party started - which made him irritable and unreasonable, stopped him from wanting to deal with people and left him like a recluse in his room; only emerging for food and nicotine. But still, it had started off okay and he decided he wanted to see if he could lift his mood by seeing his family.

That had been his first mistake.

His second, he remembered, was piling his plate with food from the buffet their cook had prepared and heading out into the large garden. The food wasn't the mistake (far from it, their cook was an actual genius and the food was amazing). The mistake was grabbing a beer from the fridge before he left the house. He didn't usually drink, mostly because he couldn't accurately predict how it would affect him night to night. _Sometimes_ , he was a happy drunk. Most of the time, he wasn't.

The third mistake didn't happen for a while, as far as he could remember. He'd sat down at the large table in the garden - which was actually five tables set out together - and tried to enjoy a light conversation with one of his aunts and a cousin he'd only met the once some many years ago. It had been awkward, mostly his aunt berating him for not having a proper job despite "all the opportunities" his parents had left open for him. His cousin had laughed at him for not having a girlfriend yet ("Or a boyfriend!" The unmemorable cousin had added quickly. "Can't assume these things nowadays. Not that I have a problem with it of course.")

If he remembered correctly, the third mistake had been grabbing another drink from a passing waiter (a maid in disguise, as he liked to call them) and promptly downing that in hopes of drowning out the awfully awkward conversation. Perhaps it was the drink after that, where he could feel himself buzzing and couldn't get the disturbing thoughts out of his head. Or the one after that, where his mind had helpfully supplied that it would be a good idea to go see the younger birthday boy now.

At the back of the garden - where his nephew and friends had taken up residence - was a firepit, hot tub and guest house. Normally, when he was having one his bad days (weeks), the guest house was perfect. Big enough to suit him and his needs for time away from his parents and brothers, even if he was only at the back of the estate. For tonight, however, the guest house would be used for, well, guests. Reiner and his friends would be spending the evening there so they could carry on partying as late as they wanted too, as all good eighteen-year-old boys and girls did.

His fourth mistake had to be thinking he was welcome with the teenagers. He was older than them (even if it was only by four years) and had nothing in common with them. They all liked drinking and partying, hanging out with their friends and taking selfies, sports and other such things. He preferred to sit on his own, playing video games and watching anime, chatting online with people who didn't know him or his mother or his father. And couldn't judge him or try to use him for his parents' money.

But, oh, how he desperately wanted some real friends.

With a blush, he remembered going up to his nephew and friends and asking (rather awkwardly) if he could join them. Reiner, of course, had no problem with that. They practically grew up together and, even though they were into different things, the two had always gotten along famously. Reiner also knew what was going through his head almost all the time, having grown up watching his mind slowly slip away from him.

He remembered the awkward introductions, the annoying 'horse-faced-fucker' throwing pebbles playfully at his nephew, the freckled boy and the boy with the shaved head throwing their arms around the 'horse-boys' shoulders. Remembered awkwardly sitting next to Reiners perpetually nervous best friend (who he was still convinced was his nephew's secret lover).

He remembered two newcomers arriving at the party late; late but not unwelcomed. Remembered how he'd been enraptured with the short, dark-haired boy (that he belatedly realised was standing in front of him now, looking rather concerned) though he couldn't fully explain why. And worst of all, he could remember downing drink after drink after drink, trying desperately to fit in.

Ah, there it was. His final mistake. And the end of his memories for the evening. Judging by the look on this boys face, he had had quite a bit to drink. He didn't remember which Eren he'd become after everything, but it couldn't have been the Happy Drunk Eren (his brother had, for some reason, named Joshua).

He heaved a sigh and struggled to his feet.

"Well," he muttered to the boy. "Sorry to have bothered you. I'll get out of your way now."

"Hey, wait!" The boy called, scrambling after him. He grabbed Erens shoulder, pulling him back. "What the fuck, man? No. I can't leave you like this!"

"I assure you, you can." He muttered, shrugging off the boy's grasp. "It's real easy. I'll go this way," he pointed aimlessly towards the woods his families estate backed onto. "And you go back to the fun and games with Reiner."

"Wait. Please!" The boy cried, grabbing his arm. "Let me-."

"Ah! Fuck!" He shouted, pushing the boy away. He held his arm up, cradling it to his chest and frowning. He knew it was hurting, had known for some time now, had even thought vaguely about it when he had first come too, but now, he couldn't figure out why that was exactly. God damn Drunk Eren, what had he done this time? "Fuck, that stings," he mumbled, pulling the sleeve down. His arm was red, crusted with dried blood. He checked the other one to find it matched. "Oh, fun. Derek came out to play..." He muttered to himself, checking the wounds over and forgetting that this boy didn't know who Derek - Depressed Drunk Eren that his brother had named - was.

The boy, who either hadn't heard him or had chosen to ignore him, inched closer while Eren was distracted. "Did... did you do this to yourself?" He asked quietly, suddenly sounding as young as he looked. He reached out to Eren again, pulling away before he could actually touch. He bit his lip.

He looked at the boy. "So?" He asked, just as quietly. "It's not like anyone would miss me."

The boy frowned, taking another step closer. "That's not true." He said. "Your nephew would. Your mum and dad, your brothers -."

He scoffed, turning away. "Dad's a successful Doctor, has his hands full at the hospital and I rarely see him. Mum's never here, always at her photo shoots. Don't even get me started on dork and dorkier." He paused, glancing at the guest house behind the boy. "Reiner... he'll get over it..."

The boy shook his head, looking sad now instead of confused. "No." He said, voice firm. "He won't."

"Who are you, anyways? His new best friend or something?" He asked, finding himself getting annoyed with this boy and getting increasingly annoyed at himself for it. The boy shook his head.

"No, that position will forever be filled by his butt-buddy, Bert." The boy said with a small smirk.

_Cute. Trying to lighten the mood_. Eren found himself thinking. _At least I'm not the only one who has suspicions about those two_.

"Well, whoever you are, I best be going. Got... cleaning to do." He muttered, nodding to his arms. The boy stepped closer again and Eren found himself taking a step back, suddenly afraid.

The boy seemed angry all of a sudden and Eren wasn't completely sure why. Obviously, it was his fault (he could work that much out), but he didn't really know what it was he had said to piss the boy off that much. Talk about looks killing.

"My name," the boy ground out. "Is Levi. And you're not going anywhere without me right now."

Eren frowned. "Sorry to disappoint, Levi, but I don't play well with others. I'm one of those... 'best left alone' types. Recluse. Introvert. Whatever you wanna call 'em. So... see ya around, kid."

As he turned away, Eren couldn't help but cringe. He wanted friends, desperately so. Both of his older brothers looked out for him, treated him like their best friend and always took him out with them. Hell, he was Zeke's best man at the wedding, pall-bearer for his wife's casket at the funeral, Reiner's Godfather as well as Uncle (though he still couldn't figure _that_ one out).

But, as much as he loved them and appreciated them trying, they were his brothers. Not his friends.

So what he couldn't understand why he was pushing someone away. Levi wanted to stay with him. Maybe it was out of pity. Probably. But he was offering. And Eren was leaving.

_More than likely he just wants to get in good with dad_. He found himself thinking as he walked away, pushing through the hedge that separated the estate with the woods. _Or, perhaps even Zeke. Maybe. He's already friends with Reiner. Maybe Reiner told him how close me and Zeke are and he wants to exploit that._

He heard rustling behind him and turned to find Levi following him through the hedge and into the woods.

"Where are you going?" The boy demanded. Eren frowned.

"Away."

"Where to?"

"Why does it matter?"

"Because I want to know if it's clean enough, okay? I don't like dirt." Levi flushed pink at the statement and folded his arms over his chest, not looking Eren in the eye. Eren watched him carefully for a moment.

"If you don't like dirt, then why don't you go back to the guest house? I know for a fact that its spotless cause I clean it myself."

"Where are you going?" The boy repeated and Eren ran shaking fingers through his hair with a sigh. "Are you going to hurt yourself again?"

_So innocent_. Eren thought absently, watching the boy again. "Maybe. Depends if I can find a twenty-four-hour garage or not." He shrugged, turning away from Levi once more, waving his right arm at the boy casually. "I find I need to have a little Dutch courage to do this shit."

Fingers laced themselves with his and he jumped at the boys' sudden closeness. Levi's glare had softened into what could almost be called a pout. "Please come back with me instead." He muttered quietly and Eren could have sworn he saw tears welling up in those eyes. "Let me help you clean up." He added, tugging his arm gently in the direction of the estate. "You'll feel better if you let me help you."

And Eren couldn't figure out why he let the boy lead him back through the hedge and onto his property.

**\----X----**

Without really knowing why, Eren let the younger man lead him back towards the house, almost surprised they weren't going to the guest house where Reiner would be able to help out. Being led through his own kitchen was a weird experience for him; he felt like they were sneaking around to do unspeakable acts over his fathers desk or something equally as lewd. But Levi led him past the office and headed up the stairs, taking Eren with him. It struck him as odd that Levi seemed to know his way around this house as if it were his own. Eren had been living here since he was two and he still got lost from time to time; it was a big house.

"How do you know the way around?" He asked, words whispered as they passed his parents room. He could hear his fathers gentle snores through the wood and inwardly grimaced.

Levi gave him a soft smile over his shoulder. "I've been here a few times when Reiner was staying for a few nights. I'd be impressed if you remember, I don't think you actually left your room."

It wasn't meant in a horrible way, only as a joke to keep the mood light despite what they were sneaking around for. Eren knew that. But the words stung nonetheless. He _did_ spend an inordinate amount of time in his room. He was there when he wasn't at work, he had his dinner in there (almost never joining his parents anymore). But he liked his room; it was big, filled with all the things he liked and decorated just the way he wanted, with white and black walls, a dark grey carpet and anime characters and bands across the ceiling and walls. Most importantly, it was safe.

It was safe from the judgemental eyes that followed him wherever he went - even if he knew that was all in his head. It was safe because he didn't have to speak to anyone if he didn't want to. The only people he spoke to while he were locked away in there were his family and those who didn't really know him online. It was safe because if he did have to speak to anyone, outside in the real world they would know how pathetic and lonely and miserable he really was, inside they had no idea.

And every time someone pointed out how much time that he spent in his little piece of heaven, it reminded him of exactly that.

"Sorry..." he found himself muttering, eyes watching his feet as he concentrated on putting one foot in front of the other. With the alcohol having long left his system, his body's only reminder the dull ache in his head and throbbing pain through his arms that renewed with its absence, he felt the low tugging him down once more.

He couldn't do it. Couldn't let this beautiful person see all his shortcomings, all his faults. Couldn't taint the boy in that way. He had to get away now, before he could do any more damage than he already had just by being in such close proximity to the boy.

Foreign fingers tightened around his as he tried to pull away and he felt his stomach drop. The boy wouldn't let go, wouldn't let him get away even though Eren was doing it for his sake. Levi pulled him closer and it was then that he realised they had stopped walking. How long had he been lost in his own thoughts? How long had he ignored anything the boy had said while he dwelt within his cruel mind?

"Hey," the boy whispered, the kind voice making Eren look up. Their eyes met and the younger boy gave him another of those small smiles. He pulled Eren closer to him still and reached up on his toes, strong arms wrapping themselves around Erens neck in an awkward hug. "You have nothing to apologise for." He muttered, voice low and arms tightening their grip around Erens body. "I know what it's like. To fell that lonely and that sad. And to watch other people go through the same thing makes my heart break."

Eren felt a lump in his throat as he hesitatingly returned the hug. "W-what... what did you... what did you do..."

He couldn't imagine this strong, beautiful boy seeped in the same darkness. Didn't want too. He seemed too pure and too innocent to be tainted in such a way and Eren didn't want to add to that. What did Levi do to pull himself away from that darkness? Eren wanted to know. Needed to know. So he could do the same and not hurt the boy with his mere presence.

"Mikasa," the boy whispered. "My cousin. She helped me. Dragged me out. Made me see other people. Helped me to forget what happened."

Eren swallowed past the lump and nodded, letting the boy step away and lace their fingers together once more. And then he was led into his en-suite and pushed gently to sit on the edge of the bathtub. He didn't remember the moment they reached his bedroom. The fingers left his and he was left to his own thoughts. 

Did he have someone who could do that for him? Lift him away from the darkness and teach him to ignore the voices in his head? He had his brothers, of course. Both of them so desperately wanted to help him. And his parents.

But his father had seen his arms one time and had given him the most disgusted look ever, snapping at him to simply "not do that" as if it were that easy. His mother doted on him, treated him like a prince, and if she ever saw what he did to himself, she only ignored it and cuddled him some more. Both of them made him feel guilty, in their own way, even if they hadn't meant to. Guilty that he was a disappointment. An embarrassment. A letdown and a waste of space. No talent to speak of. No motivation for anything more than his dead-end job, his video games and his anime.

Zeke had always been too busy for him. Too busy raising Reiner, the perfect son with his good grades and outgoing personality. He took his son to football games and concerts for his favourite rapper, spending quality time together that Eren didn't have the heart to interrupt - even if he had been invited along. Then he was too busy mourning the loss of his wife, helping his son mourn his mother, raising a thirteen-year-old on his own. Eren couldn't ask him for help.

Erwin had moved away the moment he could afford it. Moved in with his best friend and her boyfriend. Got a job at a law firm and clawed his way to the top in only a few short years. Saved his vacation time so he could come home and spend all of Christmas and New Years with the family. Called on Skype every second Sunday to talk to all of them and catch up on things he'd missed living a hundred miles away. Though he called Eren every night to see how he was doing, if he was feeling ok, if he'd made any friends that weren't online. Asked him if he actually went to his bosses birthday party or out for drinks with his colleagues even though they had stopped asking him months ago.

But he always sounded tired, ready to fall asleep on his feet. Eren couldn't add to that. Couldn't be a burden for someone working so hard. So he was always doing fine, always feeling ok. Had made plenty of friends both at his bosses party and on those nights out. Erwin didn't need to know the truth. Didn't need to know that all the things he got up to was just something his mind came up with so Erwin didn't worry.

The only other person he could think of was his best (and only) friend, Mike. The same age as him, they had gone to school together, then to college, studied the same things and had similar interests. But Mike had always enjoyed manga more than anime, had a knack for drawing his own. So he had left Eren to study in Japan for a year and was now - as far as he knew - working on his own to be published. 

Eren felt a pang in his chest when he realised how long it had been since he last spoke to him. He missed his friend.

He had been off in his own little world for so long, he hadn't realised Levi had been looking through his bathroom cupboards. As it were, he smelt the familiar tang of TCP a fraction of a second before he felt the sting run up his arm. He hissed at the feeling and pulled his arm away from the younger boy, holding it to his chest.

"Sorry," Levi muttered, reaching out and gently gripping Erens wrist between his fingers. He gave a small tug and the brunette let him take his hand once more. Levi brought his hand close, giving Erens fingers a gentle squeeze before continuing. "I should have warned you. You okay?"

Eren nodded mutely, wincing as the boy continued cleaning his wounds, the dried blood slowly wiping away as Levi worked. He pulled Erens spare bandages from the back of the cupboard when he was finished cleaning his left arm and began wrapping them expertly around the brunettes wounds. Something about the way the boy worked meticulously made Erens stomach do a funny sort of flip-flop.

Biting his bottom lip, Eren watched as the younger boy finished with his left arm, turning to give his right arm the same treatment. "Why does it seem like you've done this before..." He muttered, not really asking the boy. Levi stiffened briefly before continuing, acting like Eren hadn't said anything.

"My mum," The boy whispered eventually, his eyes focused solely on his work. Eren felt his heart rate race. "She, uh, she had a hard time... When I was growing up." Levi cleared his throat, gently dabbing the antiseptic over Erens wounds. "My family didn't really give her the time of day. Simply because she and my father weren't married and he disappeared before I was born."

He paused, putting the cotton ball to one side and reaching for some bandages, refusing to look up. His hands were shaking as they wrapped Erens right arm. "She wasn't completely alone, though. My Uncle Kenny helped out a lot and when my Aunt and Uncle found out, they helped as well, practically raising Mikasa and I together." He set the bandage in place and took a deep breath. "But I guess it wasn't enough... She, uh, she killed herself when I was fourteen..."

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said anything..." Eren mumbled, unconsciously giving Levi's shaking hands a gentle squeeze. Levi squeezed back and sniffed. Looking back up at Eren with a small smile that didn't quite reach his eyes.

"It's fine. You didn't know." He said and, despite the tears glistening in the corner of his eyes, he really did sound fine. "Like I said, Mika helped. A lot. But I spent a lot of my early teens bandaging mums wounds and getting her out of her lows." He gave a small laugh. "Sounds shitty, but I guess I'm just getting good at dealing with this sort of thing."

The corner of Erens lips turned up in a half smile and ran a thumb over the back of Levi's hand, looking away from the boy. "You sure you're not an angel?"

Levi laughed loudly at this, pulling his hands away from Erens and running his fingers through his hair. "No. I'm no angel. Just someone who wants to help out."

Eren didn't know what to say to that. He was positive Levi had to be some kind of angel; there was no one outside his family and Mike that could put up with his shit so easily. So he let them sit in a somewhat comfortable silence, each deep in their own thoughts, Eren still perched on the edge of the tub and Levi on his knees between the brunettes legs. Levi let his thumb run across the back of Erens hand, both minds racing, and he broke the silence with a dainty cough.

"It's getting late." He muttered, voice quiet as he pushed himself - almost reluctantly - to his feet. "Or early, depending on how you look at it."

Eren practically jumped to his feet, horror-stricken. "O-of course," he said, panicked. "I... I'm sorry to have kept you up so long. I-."

"Hey, it's okay," the boy laughed, reaching up and resting a hand on the other boy's shoulder. "I mean, it was nice to finally meet you, despite the circumstances." Eren winced. "Reiner raves about you."

"I - wait, what?"

Levi laughed softly and pulled away from Erens shoulder, lacing their fingers together instead. He led the brunette back into the bedroom and his fingers slipped free so he could flop gracelessly onto Erens bed. Eren watched him carefully as the boy examined the posters and drawings that littered the ceiling.

"I think he wanted to introduce his friends to his cool Uncle." Levi told him, eyes lingering on one of the more recent drawings above him. "I think he was a little disappointed if you were up here or working or whatever but he wanted to give you your space and just said 'I promise, he's freaking awesome'." The boy glanced over at him. "He wasn't wrong. Get a little alcohol in you and you come out of your shell."

Eren flushed. _So Joshua had turned up after all_. He thought begrudgingly. _Why couldn't he have stayed? Derek didn't need to show up_.

"Can I ask you something?" Levi's voice made him jump and he glanced at the boy to see him sat upright and watching him intently. Eren nodded stiffly. "Who's Derek? You mentioned him earlier and I don't remember meeting anyone by that name."

Eren tensed at the question and turned away from the boy. He knew he didn't have to answer, could tell that if he wanted to drop it, Levi would let it be. But... For some reason he found himself wanting to open up to this boy. This boy who had offered his help. Who had opened up about his passed and his family with Eren. He could do the same, couldn't he?

_He wouldn't... judge me... or laugh at me... would he?_

He took a deep breath.

"I don't usually drink," he mumbled, keeping his back to the boy, not wanting to see his reaction. "Because I never know who I'm going to be."

"'Who you're going to be?'" Levi asked. Eren nodded. "What does that mean?"

He sighed. "I either come completely out of my shell or I slip further into it. Sometimes both in one night, but that's rare. My brother, Erwin, named both of these personalities. Joshua is Happy Drunk Me. Derek... is the not so happy drunk me..."

He trailed off, not liking how stupid that made him sound even though it had been Erwin who had come up with the names. He didn't like Derek and always tried to bring Joshua back whenever the former appeared.

"Huh... that makes sense." The boy muttered and Eren glanced round at him. Levi was lost in thought for a moment, staring at the brunette shamelessly. "I prefer Joshua," he declared with a small smile. "When we next hang out, let's make sure Derek doesn't show up, okay?"

Eren nodded slowly, disbelievingly. Levi accepted that? Thought it made sense? Wanted to _hang out_ again?

Eren didn't buy it.

"Why are you being so nice to me?" He asked carefully.

Levi cocked his head to the side and frowned. After a moments silence, he patted the space next to him, his frown deepening when Eren stayed where he was. He sighed softly.

"You don't trust it when people are nice to you." It wasn't a question. "Look, you're a nice kid. I had fun hanging out with you tonight."

"I'm older than you." Eren pointed out, trying not to blush. Levi shrugged.

"You're still a kid where it matters." He said, patting his chest with a small, knowing smile. "But anyway. You... seem like you're desperate for a friend. Like you want to hang out with Reiner but you're too scared that his friends won't like you for you. That they'll only pretend to like you for your money or for your name or to make a name for themselves. But not everyone's like that. Reiners friends? _Me_? We're not like that. I feel bad borrowing a quid from someone for a drink. And I don't care about names or titles or what people can give me. I'm like your polar opposite; I never wanted all the friends I have. I wanted to be by myself and to do my own thing." He gave Eren a playful wink. "I wanted to stay locked up in my room. But then Mika dragged me out and I wouldn't be without those people now."

Eren watched the boy carefully, wide-eyed, disbelieving. Levi understood him. Understood all his fears and anxieties, without him having to say anything. He _knew_ why Eren hid away in his room, why he didn't like talking to people, understood why he didn't drink, _why he was the way he was_. Didn't judge him. Accepted him. Wanted to be his friend even though he didn't want friends himself. He saw all of Erens flaws, never judged any one of his scars, wanted to help him ignore those voices in his head.

And it broke him in ways he couldn't understand. Broke him until he collapsed to the floor, sobbing uncontrollably with his face in his hands and his shoulders heaving with the effort. Levi was at his side in a heartbeat, arms wrapping around his shoulders, pulling him into the strong embrace and cradling him for as long as he needed. And Eren folded himself into those arms, trying to ignore the perfect fit, like this was where he was meant to be. He sobbed into the warm chest, soaking Levi's jumper. And Levi didn't care, just tightened his arms around the sobbing boy, rocked him gently and hushed him with soothing words and soft kisses into his hair.

They stayed that way, cuddled and sobbing and broken on the floor for a long time. Until Eren cried himself out and Levi ran out of kind words to whisper into his hair. Then Levi coaxed him to his feet, slipped his hoodie over his head and helped him into bed. And Eren didn't need to ask him to stay; Levi removed his own jumper, folded it nicely and placed it on top of Erens, then crawled in beside him, opening his arms for Eren to bury himself once more into that warm, welcoming embrace.

And Eren finally felt that sense of freedom, that sense of belonging and friendship that he had been looking for for so many years.

Buried under Erens duvet, wrapped in each other's arms with the sun slowly beginning to peek over the horizon, the two fell into a deep sleep, both content for the very first time.


	2. But Now I Know My Wounds Are Sewn Because Of Who You Are

"Fuck, have I told you how shitty you look right now?"

Eren groaned and thudded his forehead against the wood of his desk. This wasn't helping him at all right now and Mike knew that. But then again, Eren knew how bad his friend was when it came to his... less enthusiastic side. And either way, Mike was right; he really did look like shit.

"Twice," he grunted, resting his chin on his desk and glaring up at his mounted TV where his best friends face was watching him carefully. "Thanks for that, by the way. My unwavering self-confidence has finally wobbled. I can feel it dropping more and more with each passing second."

"Your sarcasm is duly noted, though not appreciated." Mike muttered, eyeing the brunette carefully again. "Sorry, I know I shouldn't have said that. I'm still not very good with any of this." He sniffed the air around him suddenly, eyebrows knitting into a neat frown, and it was almost as though he were trying to smell Eren through the screen. "When did you last shower?"

Thinking back on it now, Eren realised it had _probably_ \- most definitely - been too long. He'd sunk into a low about a week and a half ago, taking sick leave from work when he realised it wouldn't be one of the short lows that only last half a day or so. He sniffed himself inconspicuously, glancing back at the screen. "Probably, like, six days ago?" He questioned meekly, looking away and to his feet. "Maybe seven?"

"That explains it. Everything okay? Are you sleeping properly?"

"I had been." Eren shrugged. "Maybe two weeks ago?"

Mike sighed, though it wasn't an angry one. "Anything you're not telling me? Something that's bothering you?"

Eren was quiet for a long time. Nothing was particularly bothering him, per say. He'd just woken up this way a week and a half ago and hadn't been able to get out of it. It had been that simple. Or so he had thought. But watching Mike sigh and return to his previously forgotten dinner, he wondered if it really _had_ been all that simple.

"I think I made a friend." He said at last, twiddling his thumbs in his lap and watching them intently.

Mike laughed heartily, face lighting up on the screen with one of his rare, teeth-baring smiles and Eren felt his stomach unpleasantly. Because, _fuck_ , he missed that laugh _and_ that smile. All though he was never actually busy, per say, he reminded himself to make more time for his friend. With a small smile of his own, he watched Mike shovel food into his mouth and gulp it down with water, his previous questions all but forgotten.

"Isn't that a good thing? And what's with the _think_?" He asked at last, replacing the lid on his bottled water. "Either you did or you didn't."

Eren shrugged. "I think I did."

"Eren~! He whined childishly. "Yes or no? Positives or negatives, buddy! C'mon, don't leave me hanging!"

"Well, it's been almost two months since we first met, so... I don't know..."

Mike choked on his ramen, gasping for air as he reached his water. He swallowed several big gulps and gasped loudly when he was done, sucking air harshly into his lungs.

"Two months?!" He shouted when he finally found his voice again. "Okay, start from the beginning. I want to know how, when and _where_ you met. And I want to know _why_ you haven't seen each other for two months!"

"Well, it was at Reiner's birthday party..."

"Oh shit, he's eighteen now, right?" Eren nodded, by now used to his friend's interruptions whenever he was telling him something. "So, I bet he got wasted. Man, I remember my first, _legal_ hangover."

Now, Eren shrugged. Because, really? He didn't really remember much from that night. And he wouldn't admit it for as long as he could. But Mike noticed his friends hesitation.

"Did... did you get drunk?"

Eren hated that he was so easy to read. He also hated how Mike hesitated over his question, like he was scared to ask it or something. Of course, Mike grew up with him and they shared their first beers with one another, their first nights of inebriated antics that ranged from hilarious and stupid stunts (which resulted in Eren breaking an arm and Mike with two broken ribs) all the way to nights of uncontrollable sobbing and long hours in the bathroom patching Eren up.

Most of all, Eren hated how he suddenly wished he hadn't called. Wished that Mike had been too busy to answer. Because if he hadn't called, if the call hadn't been answered, then Mike wouldn't be sat there looking as sad as he did now. That was not a look he wanted to see on his best friends face and he hated that he was the cause of it.

How could he do that? Make someone he supposedly cared about so sad? Mike was busy, was in the middle of writing a manga. And Eren had selfishly pulled his friend away from his work. And for what? To make himself feel better?

_Stupid. Stupid, fucking moronic douchebag._

"Eren."

Mikes voice pulled him away from the cruel one in his mind, but he couldn't fully ignore it. It whispered several more toxic words in his ear, each more cruel than the last, and He raked his nails over his arm without even realising what he was doing.

"I can see where your head's going, buddy. Stop." Mikes voice was firm, unwavering even though he knew it was difficult for the brunette to pull away from that voice in his head. "Eren, listen to me. I'm not pissed. Only worried. And before you think it!" He added quickly. "I would be worried, regardless."

The two sat in silence for what felt like an eternity; Eren watching through blurry eyes as his arm grew redder and redder, and Mike picking listlessly at his food. Eventually, Eren took a deep breath and nodded, looking up and rapidly blinking away the tears. Mike smiled warmly at him and he ran his fingers through his messy hair.

"I don't know why..." He started, focusing on his fingers in his lap and swallowing thickly. "But I slipped into a low that morning... And, for whatever reason, I decided it would be a good idea to drink... Sorry..."

Mike nodded knowingly, leaning back in his chair and folding his arms over his chest. "Who showed up?"

"Both of them... But I don't remember much...Joining Reiner, drinking... And then waking up with an angel standing over me..."

He smiled fondly at the memory of curling into Levi's arms while they slept the day away. Awakening to find Levi was still there, still holding him in his sleep. How they chattered away aimlessly when the boy had finally stirred, laying beside one another for two hours as they talked before Reiner had burst into his room in a blind panic.

Then he realised what he had said and flushed bright red as he looked back at the screen to see Mike grinning at him.

"An angel, huh? Must be a beaut if she's got you spacing out like that." Eren's blush deepened and Mike's grin widened. "Did you say that to her? Was it like the start of every bad porno ever?"

"So what if I did?" He snapped, glaring directly into the camera lens. "He was kind and cute and the light hit him just right and -."

"He? So, you've figured it out?"

Eren sighed. His sexuality had been a long-standing conundrum with the both of them. But no matter who he dated, be it male or female, whenever things got hot and heavy, he kind of just... tuned out. Or thought about anime characters until it was over. It was almost like he was broken.

"No." He said at last with a small shake of his head. "Guess I'm still a sexual mystery."

Mike laughed softly at that. "So, what else happened?"

"Well," Eren strained his memory. "Like I said, both of them turned up. I don't actually remember any of that but I woke up... injured... And he, Levi, helped me clean up..."

"Really? No questions asked, just straight up helped?" Eren nodded. "Wow. I like him."

"Yeah, he was nice. Even stayed with me after I kinda... broke down in front of him..."

"Nice."

"Yeah, but I haven't seen him since so I don't know if it was just out of pity or something. Though that seems more likely."

"Doesn't sound like it." Mike muttered. "Don't take this the wrong way, but your break-downs aren't that easy to handle. So if it was out of pity or whatever, then he would have just put you to bed and be done with it. But judging from the dreamy look in your eyes, he stuck around."

"Yeah, we slept together. Not, like, sex. Just sleep. But..."

"No, I get it." Mike yawned then, trying (and failing) to hide it behind his hand. "Look, I'm really sorry, but it's getting late here."

"It's almost midnight for you, isn't it?" Eren checked the time. Two in the afternoon. "Burning the candle at both ends?"

"Yeah, I have a lot of things to get done before I move."

"You're moving again?" Mike nodded.

"Not far though. My current neighbours don't appreciate my assistants showing up as late as they do to help me get a chapter done." He laughed then, taking a long drink of water. "Listen, do me a favour and try to see Levi again. He sounds like a good kid and you need someone there for when I can't be."

Eren's stomach flopped again as he was reminded of the distance between them.

"Yeah," he muttered sadly. "I'll try. G'night."

"Night, buddy."

As he hung up, Eren felt the loneliness sweep over him and a new low start to drag him down alongside the older one. He groaned as he felt his mood plummeting with no explanation other than the empty, lonely feeling that settled in his chest. He wished Mike was still there, not on the Skype call but by his side, playing video games and laughing at dumb YouTube videos until the early hours. Mike would always know what to say to cheer him up, even if it didn't completely lift the low.

He wished Erwin was there and not a hundred miles away in his extravagant apartment. Even if his brother didn't know what to say to lift his mood, he would always be ready with a bad movie, hot chocolate and a cuddle.

He found himself thinking back to that night two months ago, when he broke down in this very room. Levi, practically a stranger, held him as he cried, told him soothing nonsense and made him feel safe during the night. He didn't remember the last time he'd slept so peacefully through the night before then. He certainly hadn't since.

He felt the sob welling up in his chest and wrapped his arms around his body as it ripped through him. His chest hurt, his head throbbed. His throat clogged quickly as more sobs tore through him.

_Why? What's wrong with me? Why do I feel like this?_

No answers came and he pushed hastily from the desk, stumbling to his knees as he rushed across the room.

_Why? Isn't it obvious?_

That nasty voice was back and he choked out a whimper, stumbling over the threshold. He almost bumped into someone, two someone's, but he had no time to apologise; he had to get out of there, had to get away.

"Eren?"

_Reiner? He doesn't care. He's only pretending because it's convenient._

He shook his head, leaning against the wall as he knees buckled. He knew that, had always known that. Always knew that Reiner only did what his dad told him to because he didn't want to get into any trouble.

"Eren, listen to me."

_Reiner..._

"Eren, whatever you're thinking, it's not true. Understand?" Reiners' hands were on his shoulders, holding him up, keeping him steady. "Answer me, Eren. Get out of your head."

"Reiner, I don't think that's helping."

_Levi...?_

"I'm sorry, but I don't know what to do when he gets like this."

_Convenience. That's all this is._

Hands were tugged from his shoulders and smaller, stronger arms took their place, pulling him back against a strong chest.

"Can you get some water for him?"

Levi's voice was gentle, but firm, commanding Reiner and Eren vaguely heard his nephew running down the stairs. A hand slipped to his chest.

"Eren? Can you feel the way my chest moves when I breathe?"

It took him a moment to find the energy to concentrate, but once he had it he could feel every movement of the chest against his back. He gave a shaky nod.

"Good. You're having a panic attack." Eren didn't ask how Levi was so sure of this, didn't acknowledge anything he said. It hurt too much to breathe _and_ concentrate on that chest moving against his back. Levi's hand pressed more firmly into his chest. "You need to breathe with me, okay?"

"C-can't..." He choked out. He felt Levi shake his head, the boy's nose brushing through his hair as he moved. "M-my... chest... feels t-tight..."

"I know. But I need you to try." Levi's voice was soothing, calming him if only slightly. Making him want to _at least_ try. He took a shallow, unsteady breath. "Good. Try again. Deeper this time. With me, Eren."

He felt Levi's chest and lungs expand against his back as the boy took a deep breath and he tried to mimic it. Levi let the breath go and it tickled Erens ear on the way out.

"You're doing great." The boy muttered, voice softer now. "Again, c'mon. In. And out. One more time, Eren."

It took several more moments before he could finally breathe normally and on his own again and he felt his whole body sag with exhaustion. A cold glass of water was pressed against his lips and he glanced up at Reiner. His nephew's eyes shimmered with what could only be described as concern and he sipped at the water as his stomach churned with confusion. And something that felt similar to guilt.

_Not convenience?_

Even the voice in his head sounded unsure.

_He's... Worried...?_

"Reiner, give us a minute."

Confused, the blond hesitated before he nodded, pushing himself to his feet. Eren watched his feet disappear down the hall through his eyelashes, the blond padding softly into Erens room.

"I'll wait in Erens room." He called back to them, slipping inside and shutting the door behind him with a soft click.

Eren felt himself slowly relax in the boys hold, if only somewhat, feeling his heart rate gradually drop back down to normal. Tears were still streaming down his cheeks in unrelenting waves and he still felt the unabashed _need_ to _get the fuck_ away. But. He could _breathe_ again. He felt soft lips press against his head and gave a shaky sigh.

"You okay?"

He thought about lying. Playing the panic attack off as a one in a blue moon deal or maybe even something he was used to, something not to be made a fuss of. That way he could _leave_. Lock himself away in the guest house for a week.

A month.

_A year._

However long it would take to shake off _this_ low.

But it had been his first one. And it had scared him. And he knew Levi wouldn't let him be alone right now. It was a good thing. Of course, it was a great thing. Hadn't he just been talking to Mike about finding Levi again and befriending him properly?

"No..." He barely recognised his own voice, clogged thick with both free and unshed tears.

"D'you wanna talk about it?"

He shook his head and Levi responded with a nod of his own. Arms tightened around him and those lips found his head again. Soothing him in ways he couldn't understand.

And, inexplicably, he found himself opening up to the raven.

"I... Was talking to M-Mike..." He felt Levi's body tense up against him and he didn't like the feeling. But... He didn't know what he'd said to make the boy feel that way. "H-he's my b-best friend... But he lives in T-Tokyo... I haven't seen him for almost f-five years..."

Levi relaxed again, his hand running up and down Erens arm. "Did you two argue about something?"

Eren shook his head, squirming slightly to get comfortable against Levi's body. "No... I... Just miss him..." He could feel his chest tightening again. Was it the onset of another panic attack? What should he do? Should he say something to Levi? How had he been reduced to this? His lows had _never_ triggered panic attacks before. Levi's hand slipped to his chest again without a word and the boy took a deep breath. Eren copied him, trying to concentrate on what he had been saying. "Wh-when we hung up... I w-was reminded how... lonely I am..." He sniffed. "Pathetic, right...?"

"Not at all. If that's how you feel." Levi muttered, lips moving against Erens hair as he spoke, and Eren could tell by his tone that he meant what he said. "Can I ask you something?"

"W-what...?"

The hand on his chest ran over to his right arm and slipped lightly down his arm. Fingers encircled his wrist and Levi stroked his thumb gently over the scars there. "Did you... Or do you want to..."

The fingers against his sensitive skin jolted something inside him and he squirmed uncomfortably in the boys' arms. It had been little over three weeks since he had last done anything. His arms itched unpleasantly where the wounds were still trying to knit themselves back together. And that's exactly what he'd been _planning_ to do. He'd been so desperate to get to the guest house and lock himself away that he hadn't realised until then that that had been his plan all along. He felt the _burning need_ to punish himself for those unsightly thoughts rear its ugly head once more, more powerfully than before.

"Eren...?"

"Let... Let me go... Please..."

He hated how week he sounded. How broken. And if the boy held onto him for much longer, the stain that Eren had poured onto him the last time they met would only worsen. He _had_ to get away. _Needed_ to.

"Wait. Please." Levi's voice stayed calm despite the racing beat of his heart against Erens back. "Please. Listen to me."

"No." He redoubled his efforts, struggling against Levi's hold. "I have to go. Have to get away. From you. From _all_ of you. Can't... Can't do this to you again..."

"You've not done anything. It's fine. I promise." Levi turned him ever-so-slightly in his hold. "Please. Hear me out."

Hands framed Erens face and he was forced to gaze up into silver pools. He melted under those intense eyes, felt the fight drain out of him. Sagging against the boy, he closed his eyes, feeling a fresh wave of tears spilling down his cheeks.

"A bunch of us are bunking at mine at the weekend." Levi's tone was soft, soothing as the back of his hand gently wiped the new tears away. "Reiner and I are here to invite you along."

Without realising what he was doing, Eren leant into that touch and Levi turned his hand to cup the older boy's cheek. He rubbed the pad of his thumb across the soft skin just below Erens right eye, catching those tears before they had the chance to trickle down his cheek. He was patient, slipping his other hand down to wrap around Erens waist again, pulling the brunette flush against his boy, keeping him close, keeping him safe. He was patient. He would wait as long as it took for the other to give his answer. Though, of course, he wouldn't accept a 'no'.

Eren sighed softly, feeling his entire body calm down and relax under Levi's soft touches. "I don't want to intrude..." he muttered, blinking back the next wave of tears because, _surely_ , Levi would brush this off and leave him to his own devices.

But Levi huffed out a soft laugh instead, the arm around the brunettes waist tightening ever so slightly. "It's not intruding if you're invited, dipshit." Eren bit his lip at the pet name, uttered so gently there could be no other way to take it. "C'mon. Let's get you in the shower then we'll head to mine."

Eren froze. "Y-you said weekend... it's only Monday..."

"It's fine." The ravens tone was reassuring, pressing down Erens rapidly rising anxiety. "Uncle won't mind. He'll be glad for the company. Besides, I want your opinion on something."

"Something that will take all week?"

"Well... no." Levi almost hesitated here, his composure quick to recover before the brunette noticed. "But it beats being alone all week, right?"  
  
Caught in a daze, Eren allowed himself to be pulled carefully to his feet and led back into his bedroom where Reiner was waiting patiently on his bed, checking his twitter feed. He looked up when his cousin and friend came in, putting his phone down almost instantly and getting to his feet. But before he could take more than two steps, Levi had thrown him a glare and shook his head, leading Eren into the bathroom and shutting the door behind them.  
He reappeared a few moments later, shutting the door and blocking off the sound of water running.

"What happened? Is he alright?"

"At the moment, no. But he will be. He's gonna stay with me for a week."

"What? Why?"

Levi took a seat at Erens desk, glancing at the now black screen of his laptop.

"I don't think it's a good idea for him to be alone right now. And, no offence, but you're not great dealing with his lows."

"I know, but I'm trying." Levi opened his mouth to say something but Reiner cut him off quickly, sitting back down on the bed and picking up his phone, chucking it nervously between his hands. "That's besides the point. He has work. I know he's on sick leave but he only has like two more days before that's up and he has to get a doctors note for his absence."

Levi shrugged. "Then I'll take him to his GP tomorrow and get the note."

"He doesn't _have_ a GP. At least, not anymore. He stopped going about eight years ago because he was scared they'd throw him in a nut house or something."

"Fine. Then I'll talk to Izzy. She's looking for a job at the moment."

Reiner sighed, running his finger last through his short hair. "If you think she'll do it then I'll talk to his boss I guess. He's pretty cool, lets Eren get away with murder."

"Help me pack a bag for him."

"Are you even listening to me?"

"Yes, yes. I heard you, you little steroid-bitch." The raven joked, pulling several shirts and hoodies from Erens wardrobe and folding them neatly on the end of the bed. "Friendly boss, I got it. That's good. It means he might understand."

"Well, he knows about Eren, if that's what you mean."

"He does?" Reiner nodded. "What does he do?"

"Like I said, Eren could literally stab a customer and the guy wouldn't bat an eye."

"Nice."

**\----X----**

"Did he seem like he knew anything? ... Okay, good. And you'll call me when you land? ... It'll take about an hour to get there, are you sure you're alright waiting that long? ... Alright, well, we'll see you in three weeks and don't forget -."

"Hey, mum?"

"Gracia, sweetie, I have to go. Speak soon! Okay, love ya, bye!"

Carla hung up quickly, spinning where she stood to face her son. Eren raised an eyebrow at her, dropping his bag on the floor beside him.

"What's up? You look nervous."

Carla laughed hastily at that, shaking her head as she stepped closer to him and pulled him into a hug. "It's nothing dear. My friend Gracia is coming back soon to surprise her daughter. Just arranging picking her up from the airport. What's this anyway? Are you staying in the guest house for a few nights?"

She gently poked his bag with her foot, frowning. This bag was too big for a couple of nights at the end of the garden. She was used to him staying down there for days - sometimes weeks - at a time. But he had never really packed a large bag to do so before. It was usually just his duffle and laptop.

"Uh, I'm staying at Levi's for a few days... Something or other is happening at his at the weekend and he's invited me to stay for a few days before..."

She eyed the raven behind her son carefully for a few moments before plastering an obviously fake smile on her lips. "Okay. That's fine. Just let me know when you get there and when you're coming home." Her normally chipper voice was audibly strained. Reiner pushed passed his cousin and friend, moving further into the kitchen.

"You two go on ahead. I wanna ask nan something."

The two left the house quickly, side by side and silent. Eren shuffled along, shifting his shoulders almost nervously and it looked like he was sweating. Levi glancing at him cautiously as they reached the car and loaded Erens bags into the boot.

"You okay?"

Eren jumped and looked away from the boy, scratching absentmindedly at his right arm. He shook his head, moving quickly around the car to the passengers side. "It's nothing." He muttered, climbing in.

Levi followed his lead and slipped into the drivers seat. He hesitated before starting the engine, but with Erens gaze focused on something unknown outside, he decided to wait before approaching the subject again. They pulled away from the Jaeger estate in almost complete silence, the car humming along beneath them the only sound. Neither said a word until they were passing by the shopping district where Eren worked and slowly pulling into the more modest side of town.

"It won't be anything like what you're used to." Levi's voice was soft, fond and a warm smile graced his lips. "But it's home. And it's cosy. It's just me and Uncle Kenny but he won't be home until late tonight."

"What... what does he do?" Eren cringed inwardly at how awkward he sounded and returned his gaze to the homes passing by the window.

"He's a tattoo artist. An amazing one, at that. I'll show you his portfolio when we get there." He patted Erens shoulder gently. "Don't be so nervous. You'll be fine, I promise."

Eren nodded, feeling some of the tension drain out of him from that one, simple touch. Butterflies erupted in his stomach and he could almost feel the heat in the car rise from the blush spreading across his cheeks. That hand was still on his shoulder and surely Levi noticed the stain seeping into him from that one, simple touch. Eren desperately needed to change the conversation, if only to save Levi from the taint where their bodies connected.

"Most of the surprises I get in life aren't good," he said suddenly, loudly and it made Levi jump and retract his hand. "I don't like being surprised, even if it's a good surprise."

"Eren, what?" The raven asked, his free hand returning to its rightful position on the steering wheel. Eren breathed an inward sigh of relief. "Where is this coming from suddenly?"

The older boy lowered his head, fiddling with his fingers in his lap and feeling extremely guilty; Levi's tone was laced with concern at his sudden outburst and Eren hated that he'd put that there in the first place.

"I think mum's hiding something from me..." he muttered, looking back out the window as they finally pulled into a driveway, the neat little house looking more comfortable than his own estate ever would and stomach dropped at the thought. "Last time she did that, dad was really poorly... he... he almost died without me knowing because they didn't think I could handle it... I just... I really don't like surprises..."

Levi watched the brunette carefully, fully turning his body to face him as he spoke. Eren kept his gaze out the window but Levi could still plainly see the fresh tears racing down his cheeks.

"Is this what upset you earlier?" He asked, though he already knew the answer before the other nodded. "I wanna bet it's a good surprise. Something for your birthday."

"My birthday was months ago..."

"Then maybe Christmas." He rested his hand on Erens shoulder again and couldn't help the unpleasant curl in his stomach as the older boy flinched under his touch. "Listen," he added, tone turning serious enough to make Eren look at him. "I doubt they didn't tell you because they thought you couldn't handle it. They probably didn't want you to worry, just in case it got better. And, hey, he's still alive now, right? So it got better. If they are hiding something from you, I doubt it's something bad. I bet it's something that'll make you so happy that you won't know what to do with yourself."

It took an eternity for his words to sink in, but finally, _finally_ , Levi could see the pain and the fear and the worry leave those bright - always bright, despite what mood Eren was in - green eyes. He gave the boy a soft smile and reached down to lace their fingers together and give Erens fingers an encouraging squeeze. Levi's heart fluttered stupidly in his chest as Eren returned the smile and the squeeze before muttering a very soft, almost inaudible ' _thank you_ '.

He squeezed the brunettes hand again and pulled away quickly, ignoring the pounding in his chest. "So, how about I show you that portfolio?"

**\----X----**

It was almost like deja vu for Eren as he let the younger boy lead him through the kitchen and into the den in the basement. With a jolt of pleasant surprise, he realised he could feel his mood lifting with every step he took and he wondered if his almost two week long low would finally be lifted thanks to the actions of the teenager who barely knew him. Heat was spreading through his body, starting where he was connected by the fingers to the boy himself.

"I'm sorry about the mess," Levi admitted begrudgingly as he pulled the chain above him and flooding the room with light. "I guarantee you that this is the only messy room in this house. But it's also the only room we share in the house, too. That's my side for my college work. This is where Uncle Kenny works on designs customers ask him for."

Erens gaze lingered on Levi's side of the room, fabrics strewn everywhere in organised chaos. From where they stood in the middle of the room, Eren could see several three-piece suits and two or three dresses hanging on a rail lining the back wall. After that, there were more than a few outfits that Eren recognised and he inched closer to take a better look while his host rummaged through several folders, looking for the right one.

The closer he got, the more he could see that Levi's side of the room wasn't organised chaos at all; everything was set out _just right_  on the desk. Whatever project he was currently working on was folded neatly in the centre of the desk with a photo album sat next to it. On the left stood rows and rows of little drawers and in the right was several piles of fabric, neatly stacked and ordered by colour.

"I found it!" Levi cried victoriously and Eren turned to see him holding a large black book in the air with both hands, grinning triumphantly. "Hey, I'll show you that in a minute. First, you've gotta see this."

Levi brought the book down to eye level and opened it, flipping through the pages as Eren moved back over to him. He made a strange noise as he found the image he was looking for and smirked as he watched Erens reaction. It was a picture of a mans back. It looked red and sore in the picture, but what caught Erens eye was the image permanently etched into the flesh.

"Is... is that... a Naruto tattoo...?"

"Yup!" Levi's voice was slightly breathless as he spoke but the older boy's attention rested solely on the beautiful artwork. "I saw this on your wall the last time I was there and thought you might like it. My Uncle had never seen an episode of this, but when the customer told him what he wanted he sat and watched three whole seasons in like, two weeks just because he wanted to get the - shit what did he say? The feel? I think. The feel of the characters."

"This is amazing..." Erens voice took on the same breathless quality as Levi's, eyes shining brightly as he took in the image before him. "Is there more? Can I see the rest?"

Levi hadn't seen the brunette look so bright and happy that he couldn't deny him anything right now, even IF he wanted to. "O-of course. Knock yourself out."

He took a seat at his own desk, watching Eren plop down on the floor and turn the book back to the first page. He studied each page diligently, examining each line and burst of colour and marvelling at the way they twisted and turned around each customers body. Levi, almost mesmerised by the sight, reached blindly behind him for his sketchbook and pencil as inspiration hit, flipping it to a clean page and beginning to scribble his new idea.

The two sat in silence for several long minutes, each absorbed in their own little world, and it was Eren was the one to break it.

"What are you doing?" Though his voice was soft, it was loud in Levi's ear and the raven jumped, snapping the sketchbook closed quickly and more harshly than he meant to. "Did you draw me?"

Levi flushed bright red and nodded, though it was so subtle that Eren almost missed it. "Sorry," came the muttered apology seconds later and the younger boy looked away. "When I get... inspired I just go with it. Seeing you sat there like that made me want to design an OC cosplay for you."

Eren gave him a small smile. "Well. Let me see then."

Levi's blush darkened but he found himself unable to deny Eren, even if he wanted to. Instead, he flipped the sketchbook back open to the right page and handed it over. Eren marvelled at the image before him - still in sketch form. He was in some kind of military uniform, but it was unlike anything he'd seen before.

"This looks cool." He mumbled with his own blush, already imagining himself at the next ComiCon in the outfit, though he knew he would never have the confidence to go - let alone go dressed up.

"I make costumes for my friends and I for every convention." Levi muttered, indicating the outfits alongside the suits and dresses on the rail. "We went as characters from Half-Life 2 last time. I was The G-Man."

Eren could imagine Levi looking _very_ dashing in a suit and cleared his throat hastily. "Is uh... is this what you wanted to show me?"

"Actually, no." Levi felt suddenly calmer now that they were on topic. "It was Uncle Kenny's portfolio. Because I had an idea."

"Oh?"

"Have you ever thought of... doing something else... whenever you get... _that_ low?"

Eren frowned, not quite following. "What d'you mean?"

"Well..." Levi swallowed thickly, nervous again. "Instead of hurting yourself... why don't you get a tattoo?"


End file.
